Annabelle Unbroken

I have been thinking about writing about this topic for a few weeks now because people sometimes just notice the wheelchair challenges that I deal with and think thats it but thats not all. I deal with brain differences from hydrocephalus  also which sometimes its hard to process things or emotions in my brain and body which I call spirals . Like sometimes I get really frustrated when I don’t understand what someone is saying to me and I have to slow down and take a min and rethink about what the person is saying to me. I have visual spatial issues which I don’t know when things are to close or far away from me thats why in a public setting I stay very close to who ever I am with or thats why I hold hands with whoever I am with while crossing the street so people will notice me crossing. I repeat what I say when telling someone something because of my hydrocephalus and I repeat things a lot because of this and I repeat music things so I can remember and I am very good at remembering lyrics and songs, I can hear the first few notes to a song and know whats about to be sang and remember when it came out. I struggle remembering peoples names and birthdays, I can remember my phone number [ sometimes] and I can remember sometimes my house address. I can remember peoples names that are very close to me but if I don’t see you on daily base I struggle with remembering who you are to me thats not because I don’t want to remember who you are to me its because my brain forgets. I struggle with remembering time so thats why I have to have someone with me but also for protections reasons and I struggle with numbers, sometimes telling time. you maybe wondering how hydrocephalus affects the brain so let me answer a couple of those question one thing it effects is Balance which means if I am not sitting in my wheelchair I feel like I am on a nonstop roller coaster until i sit in a chair that I feel steady in and safe in. you may also see someone always by me when I am not in my wheelchair holding my back they have to be there incase my back balance gives out to catch me so I don’t fall on the ground and hit my head or brake a bone. It effects my learning level which makes me read on a middle school level and it effects my memory to where I can only remember certain things but thats okay i am still perfect in the image of GOD. I get tired very quickly and I nap everyday depending on how I feel and depending on the activity for the day and it also effect my speech when I was a small child thats why I didn’t start talking until I was 3 years old but now I talk ALL THE TIME which is true blessing to my loved ones because I can tell them what I want, need, if I feel sick or not or if I am happy or sad about something. sometimes its hard for me to regulation my emotion but I have some tools to help me cope with them when I cant control myself its almost like a car that cant stop its brakes until the car in front goes than I can turn on my brakes to allow it to stop with my tools such as deep breathing, working out , worship music and talking my feelings over with my people. Hydrocephalus has been a part of my testimony since the day I was born and while people know it has ‘water on the brain’ for me and my family its more than just a term its shaped me for who i am today and its taught me how to be strong and trust Jesus in ways i never thought would be possible I mean in every medical and daily life I trust his plans are better than mine. I mean its the coolest thing when your mom says lets say prayer before rolling back and the nurses join their faith with yours and pray with your family before they take you back to the OR. my brain may work differently than other peoples BUT that does not mean it works less. and sometimes I need a few extra days to recovery from trips or being things that are going on, surgeries, ETC because of aso much exitctent can lead to tiredness and  theres sometimes when my body and brain remind me that hydrocephalus is a part of my testimony and thats OKAY. I love having simple reflections and reminders of why I AM ALIVE AND ROLLING and have air in my lungs. There are also milestones that doctors said she may never accomplish a lot of things doctors never knew were possible but I prove them wrong every time. Living with all my special needs as taught me how to advocate for myself and how to be happy to celebrate small wins even when people overlook them. How to keep moving forward  and its Taught me love and gratitude for the people that walk this journey with me  because Its not easy at times but if you know CHRISTEN AND JON AND JACK Hulgan you know they will push their limits to make sure i am happy and okay. i am grateful for my people in my corner because they take care of me in ways i am beyond grateful for. sometimes people see my diagnosis before they see me. but what i wish people would understand is that hydrocephalus is only a small portion of who i am . I have dreams and goals, love, worship and make memories just like everyone. My special needs may influence my life but let me tell you it does not define my worth. Theres moments of doctor appts, surgeries they have felt overstressed and challenges that tested my strength. Yet through it all I choose  to keep my faith strong and my eyes fixed on the one that wrote  my testimony.